As inspired by A Good Husband.
To: All Chivalrous Knightly-type men.
Subject: Gender support.
Action Item: Hold more doors.
cc: Anyone else who produces testosterone.
It has come to my attention that there is an imbalance in the distribution of chivalry among men. While there seems to be an increase in overall consciousness about the subject, still too few men perform as journeymen. My hat’s off to all of you men who faithfully hold doors, defend her honor, pick up the tab, and lay your coats in puddles. Hopefully, showing courtesy and deference to the fairer sex has become second nature to you practitioners of the Manly arts by now.
The crisis at hand is this: our numbers are too small. We need to link together our kindred spirits and build up a critical mass. I don’t know what happened to place us in such peril, but here we are. The reality today is that there is too much power in too few hands. Un-chivalrous men simply don’t know what they are missing out on. They don’t know what goodly influence they could wield over their damsels, should chivalry become their banner!
Men, we shall set upon the task of opening hearts by opening doors. By Sharing the Chivalry, we will lead unknowing men by our example. We will be trend setters. Unchivalrous men will see the positive responses of our efforts on the faces of random women and marvel at our prowess. Wives of unchivalrous men will come to expect their men to act like the chivalrous men she encounters throughout the day.
It is our job to help our fellow man out. We, the few, shall embark on the noble quest of educating the masses of heretofore unknowing and unchivalrous dudes. Through our obvious and consistent example, we will unshackle them from contemporary ways of acting toward women. And in the process of breaking those liberated chains, hope will be wrought in many a marriage.
Men, here is your mission: From now on you are going to act chivalrously toward other men’s wives. We are going to teach each other the fine art of chivalrous behavior. We will start a movement: slowly at first, but gradually building into a groundswell of mature , manly behavior.
Imagine the woman who comes home to her slothful husband and announces, “Guess what happened to me today? Some very nice man held the door for me. And smiled right at me. And said how lovely I look today.” This sloth of a man will probably not be motivated to shed his postmodern ways right away, but imagine if this sort of thing happens frequently to his wife. He might be shamed into chivalry. And that, I suppose, is our goal. If shame is the tool, then I say the ends justify the means.
Now let’s discuss a bit about how to properly open a door for a lady. If such a lady is anywhere nearby and appears to be approaching your portal, stop your forward progress and wait for her to pass through. Do not turn away, but purposely face her as she moves by you. Do not touch her, though. Smile at her. This is key: Look her in the face and smile kindly. Make eye contact if you like. If she thanks you for your gesture, consider her words an invitation to say something kind in return. Always say “You are welcome”.
This brief exchange of “Thank you” and “You are welcome” is not just a mere civility, but is actually a brief foray into social intimacy that many of us let pass by unintentionally. Chivalrous men shall make the most of these opportunities as they arise. For instance, if the lady at hand happens to be your senior, it could be appropriate for you to offer an innocent compliment. ” You look very nice today” is usually apropos for a grandmotherly type. If you had not already noticed, many of the older generation go to great lengths to “fix themselves up” for something as mundane as a trip to the grocery store. Your compliment will surely validate all of her preparations.
Another response to “Thank you” would be to mention that “It has been my honor to hold a door for a lady.” Sounds a bit corny, for sure; probably because we don’t hear men elevating women as a natural path of speech. I work in construction, so I know this well. Nevertheless, the phrase is pretty safe and won’t get you clobbered with her purse. And it conveys the right message.
Other kind things to say: “It was my pleasure to meet you.” “Glad to have met.” “You have made my day.” “My honor.” “You have been a ray of sunshine.” ” I hope your day becomes as bright as mine now is.”
It is also clearly chivalrous for a man to remove his hat for a lady. There are formal guidelines for how to do this properly, but in today’s age, simply lifting one’s hat or cap signifies respect.
When a truly chivalrous man spies another man performing an act of chivalry, it is incumbent upon the chivalrous man to stop what he is doing and pay homage to this man. You never know- this might be a fledgling effort of a chivalry neophyte, and your encouragement might be the validation he needed to shore up his manly courage to carry on the task.
You might direct your steps over to a man caught in the act of chivalry and say, “Nice job holding the door, man” . If the man is clearly already a knight, there is no need to approach him; merely catching his eye and throwing an approving glance is a more proper way to acknowledge such a man. Or, if you happen to be standing close by you might say to him subtly, “I think she blushed.”
Should you overhear a knight give a particularly clever response to a damsel’s “thank you” and wish it were your own, it is proper etiquette to ask permission to add his Signature d’expression to your repertoire. This keeps us all clear of any copyright infringement laws and gives a nice attaboy for the author.
Men, we are leaders in this movement back in time toward a more chivalrous union. Your brothers will someday thank you for your sacrifice. We trust that, once our ladies experience their men acting like real men, they will in turn feel free to treat us as men.
Tough love will also need to be judiciously applied if we are to alter the wooden hearts of unchivalrous men. Should a man of honor spy a man who, intentionally or not, fails to yield respect to a woman at a door, the man of honor may beg apologies for the other man. Chivalrous man should approach the lady from the front and, keeping a respectful distance, ask forgiveness for his fellow man. No need to further defame the door-dropper at this juncture. Should it become apparent that the lady is about to retreat through the same doorway, chivalrous man should certainly try to right the earlier wrong by asking, “Might I hold the door for you on your way out?” In this case, moderate dishonor has been put upon the offending male, yet not so much that he should feel the need to engage in fisticuffs in the parking lot.
And one more thing. I suggest you tell your wives about your membership in the Association of Chivalrous Men. Let her know exactly what it is you are doing holding doors for other women, and ask her if she agrees that you are, in fact, improving the lot of all women. You need her on your side in this quest.
In this early stage of the chivalry campaign, we are just concentrating upon the basic gesture of holding a door for a lady. Look for further instructions once this effort gains a foothold.
Blessings . . . and Courage
Stumble It!