I got an email yesterday.
I still haven’t embraced the gamut of the social media scene, but several months ago I was looking for a connection to an old friend who is now in ministry in Little Rock. Just wanted to peek into his ministry and read anything he might be writing. This man, in his past life, wrote books about micro-circuitry and taught at the graduate level. I wondered what he might now be writing about ministry in the inner city. In the process I signed into Facebook. Didn’t do anything but the bare minimum: no pictures, no personal data, nothing. I just signed up.
My friend Harry apparently shares my hesitancy about social media, although he is definitely the Go-to guy for anything Mac. Like me, he isn’t doing Facebook either.
And I forgot all about anything Facebook.
Until yesterday.
“Hi, this is your old girlfriend from 25 years ago. Just wondering how you are and what you are doing today. Email me back.” (Slightly rewritten to exclude specific names, dates and places which confirmed our identities.)
Now I am a pretty curious guy by nature. And like that funny ape Curious George my curiosity has has reeled in both fun and trouble.
Just. Press. DELETE.
NOW!
“But I am curious . . .”
And a debate ensued within my mind; angel on the right shoulder and devil on the left.
After 30 minutes or so of Perry Mason of the mind, I did it. I just pressed delete. I decided that there are things that are knowable but not beneficial. Couldn’t come up with any good reason to reopen that memory box.
Today I wonder why it took me anything more than a millisecond to hit delete. Being a man is so confusing to myself; no wonder I baffle my wife. I baffle myself. I have a good life. I have a nearly perfect wife. I consider myself a solid Christian. I just don’t know why I would even allow the debate to occur. Sigh.
So it goes with being a man.
I am glad that I am in a good place in life right now. The decision to delete was not really that hard. But, I thought, what if my marriage was in a more tenuous position? Would my decision stand? Would common sense still trump curiosity? I hope so. I think I know so.
Oh men- guard your hearts and grow your marriages.
Blessings
(And if you are wondering- Nope- not telling the wife anything. Some things are better left unsaid.)
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June 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Well, you’re a better man than I am (let’s hope so). I always peeled back the tape on the Christmas presents and I have always played with matches but have never struck one.
I saw the old highschool boyfriend on facebook. The last time I had seen him was at the ten year reunion. He was married with 5 step children. I don’t live in that town anymore so I hadn’t just crossed paths with him or anything. Well, his name came up on face book and I didn’t hit delete. Much to my surprise, he is no longer married to the older woman with the 5 kids. Now the old bo has a husband named Shawn. He’s changed a bit over the years……..
June 24th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Feeling a little ill . . . New husband?!?!?!
That had to feel a little weird to you.
Early in our marriage, my wife would unwrap and rewrap my Christmas gifts to her (taken from under the tree)and if they weren’t “right”, she would drop hints about what she would really like. I finally caught her in the act one night.
After that, she would just go down to Nordstrom and put a few outfits on hold with my name on them, and I was supposed to pick which one(s) I wanted to give her. Romantic, huh? I love to be surprised, and this aspect of her personality took some time to get used to. We just laugh about it now. She still buys herself gifts, wraps them up and puts my name on as the giver.
Gotta learn to go with the flow.
As for the old girlfriend- I just knew that I didn’t want to know what I don’t know. We dated for years. I can’t imagine that I would have any temptation, but why even come close to the edge?
June 24th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
It was a shock. He and his “husband” (yes they are legally married, thank you San Francisco) and have three adopted sons. These were kids stuck in the foster system. I don’t know how I feel about that. This guy and I only dated our senior year of high school.
Really treat your wife. Take her to Nordstrom and let her try everything on for you there at the store. I have done this with my hub and it has been great fun. He even enjoyed my appreciation ;O)!
June 24th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Good for you. I think it is important you just did press delete. You comment of “I decided that there are things that are knowable but not beneficial.” is absolutely right on.
Also, your last comment “(And if you are wondering- Nope- not telling the wife anything. Some things are better left unsaid.)” is one that I will wear with me for a long time. I have always said that some things are better left unsaid. I do not subscribe to the theory that you must share everything with your spouse. If that thing is going to hurt them and there is no meaningful reason for them to know since that something is completely meaningless, then you are doing the right thing by not saying anything.
Good post