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Cone of Silence

Posted By: Postmaster / Category: Home Improvement, marriage

 

I see that “Get Smart” is about to be released to theaters this month, and I recall one of the best sight gags was The Cone of Silence.

Calling all inventors: Here is your next million dollar idea.

Put me first in line for the Beta version. My only requirements are that the unit fit over a king size bed and actually works as designed. I will figger out how to ’splain this contraption to the kids and Pastor later. In the meantime-someone, PLEASE, build a working unit! I don’t even want a cut of the profits. Take the idea and run with it. I hereby announce my candidacy for beta-testing.

The Mrs. and I, due to multiple kidlets and limited discretionary dollars only get away by ourselves once, maybe twice, a year to a hotel. And I have noted that she unwraps many of her vocal inhibitions within the anonymity of a hotel room. This pleases Papa. Vocality makes Papa feel like manly man. And Papa gets a little sad when we get home and things quiet down again.

Sure, we could crank the Abba 8-track so as to drown out any non-child-friendly utterances, but competing with dancing queen  is not my idea of intimate.

 

Any manly men out there out there with the skills to pull this off? You’re gonna have to design this thing in such a way that her mother won’t ask questions. Maybe make it look like a skylight or something? Maybe you could incorporate stars and constellations to make it look like a planetarium on the inside?  How about some sort of newfangled HEPA filter?

And now I am thinking of all the upgrades you could build for this baby- Surround Sound, Mirrored coating, disco ball, recording devices, cupholders, carabiners, air conditioning, recordings of Ricardo Montalban reading Song of Solomon . . .

Anybody up for the challenge? You’ve got your first customer here.

 

Blessings

 

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Installing a Whole House Fan

Posted By: Postmaster / Category: Home Improvement, fun stuff, marriage

       YES WE CAN!!!

How exciting is this?

We finally got around to buying and installing our whole house fan this weekend.

Pretty exciting.

What does my home improvement project have to do with marriage and kids, you ask? Welllll- stretching a little here- My wife will praise my genius when the Edison bill doesn’t go up to $900 in August?

Really. A $900 electricity bill in August last year. And lest you think I am keeping penguins as pets; during that hideous month, for two of the four weeks the thermostat never got below 85 degrees inside, even at the coolest time of night! The A/C just couldn’t keep up with the sun and lousy construction of the house. Momma was not happy about the heat and she was REALLY unhappy about paying so much for so little comfort.

It is so frustrating when the outside air temperature is noticeably cooler than the air inside, yet you can’t seem to get the cool air inside the house. Also, during the day the materials of the house itself are absorbing energy from the sun, only to give it back as residual heat late in the evening when you are trying to sleep.

We’ve got a ceiling fan over our bed, but it doesn’t really get utilized to its potential because the lovely and ever-rational Postmistress says that it dries out her eyes. While she is sleeping. With her eyes closed. Really. (There exists a train of logic in a woman’s mind that no sane man would challenge. The sleeping dry eyes is one of those. Sigh.)

Enter the Whole House Fan. Not a panacea, but a pretty smart and cheap way to cool your home. Basically it is installed in the ceiling between your living area and your attic. It sucks cool air through any open window and exhausts into the attic space. There is a double bonus here in that not only does it pull cool air into the house but it forces the heated air out of your attic space.

It costs about a nickel an hour to run.

When we tried it out Sunday night, the air temperature inside the house was 76 degrees. Within 30 minutes of running the fan on the High setting, the temperature had dropped 6 degrees to 70. A quick calculation says that I bought roughly 3 cents of electricity for that improvement in comfort. My A/C would have taken at least 45 minutes to do the same job and probably cost close to $2.00 in energy. Pretty nice.

The installation of the whole house fan is not really too hard if you have a few tools and a little confidence. The thought of cutting a big hole in a hallway ceiling and a little hole in the wall might be a little scary for some do-it-yourselfers, but once you get past that the job is fairly easy.  It took me and my 19 year old son about 2 1/2 hours for the job, including cleanup.

I won’t get into all the details of the job (unless someone comments back with questions) because it has already been written about in many other places. Here’s just one.

I will say a couple of things about the installation, though. Very basic electrical skills are required to tap into an exisiting 120 volt source in the attic. If you are not comfortable with flipping circuit breakers then this job is not for you. A buddy who is electrically confident would be of great help here. You will also need to install the switch in an adjacent wall.

DO NOT attempt this project alone: you will just frustrate yourself if you try to do this by yourself. All of the up-and-down the ladder into and out of the attic will drive you nuts. Get a friend to help with this, and unless your wife is REALLY gullible and you don’t want nookie for a while, DO NOT ASK HER TO HELP.  Besides, she could get a little panicky at the sight of busted drywall and open ceiling joists. Send her and the kids out to Chunky Cheese for a few hours. You and your helper will look less like Tim The Toolman Taylor if she can’t see and hear the destruction/installation process.

Be prepared to make an additional trip back to the hardware store once you open the box and read the instructions. You will likely need to buy:

 (2)-8 foot long pine 1×4’s,

 (1) 2×4 8′ long to header off one joist (assuming your ceiling joists are 2×4’s. Check first.),

 Some 14-3 Romex wire to hook up the new wall switch and also to tie into power up in the attic (if your fan is a single-speed, then 14-2 wire will suffice.),

A handful of wire nuts,

A single “remodel” aka “cut in” electrical box,

A few dozen 16d nails or 2 1/2″ screws

A few dozen 10d nails or 1 1/2″ screws.

 TOOLS NEEDED

Hammer

pencil

utility knife

wire strippers

screwdrivers

A Sawzall is handy, but you can get by with hand saws

Eye protection

flashlights

pliers

adjustable wrench

Drill and bits

I know that most of us are looking for ways to save money on energy bills, and I am sure that this is going to make a noticeable improvement in ours. Also, I think that it is just very GREEN for all of us to use our air conditioners as little as possible.

We spent about $250 on the fan itself, and maybe another $30 on miscellaneaous materials. Add in a case of adult beverage if you are enlisting the help of a friend. I anticipate recouping my 300 dollar investment in under 2 months. Not bad, if you ask me.

This type of home improvement project only looks difficult because of having to remove drywall. But if you are careful with how you cut, the installation will look like a pro did it. Measure twice: cut once, as they say.

And another in-the-field observation: One would think that the shutter assembly would be shaped like a square, but it is in fact rectangular. One side is longer than the other. Word.

And do yourself a favor: keep the vacuum cleaner handy so that you can clean as you go. Your heroic stature increases exponentially if you clean up after (and before) yourself.

If you give this project a try, I would love to hear how it comes out for you.  

Blessings

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